Let’s Talk Moving Overseas

The last time I postes was in 2018, December 3rd and today is February 4th 2020 and I am well aware of how long the time jump is.

Since I last posted World War 3 went trending, Prince Harry left the Royal Family, Rihanna still hasn’t released music, Trump got impeached and now there is a new virus outbreak. There is a lot catching up but now that I think of it, the reason I have been held back from posting blogs was because I focused too much on posting the junks I went through throughout the time I have not posted. And that always left me with a ton of drafts left hanging mid-sentence.

Now that I learned my mistake, I’m not going to do any catching up but I will tell you a major move I made in my life.

With 9 months of contemplating, revising my thought proses and doubts, by May 2019 I had made the decision to move to the tropical archipelago called Indonesia.

It was hard, honestly. You don’t just develop a life in a place for 3 years and leave it in a snap. And when making a decision so big like that, not everyone is going to agree with your decision. So what I went through was either immense support or discouragement. Either way, I made sure I knew what I wanted before making my way to tell everyone about the huge decision. I made sure I knew the consequences and I made sure I knew what I was leaving, as well as what I was going to be receiving.

I knew I was starting my life from scratch. No friends and a part of my family I barely had contact with (because, well, they were an ocean away). I hardly knew whether I was going to have fun but I made sure I let myself know that, too. There were great risks and I’m proud that I was thoughtful enough to have considered the risks. Usually, I am the type to go for it when a choice to go after what I always wanted is given. And to my surprise, I stepped back and throught for a second.

My family there hated me for leaving. I was studying in a pretty decent private high school with a tuition fee of five grand a year. I had a great chance to go to gollege in the United States and major in IR like I always wanted. But somewhere along the way, I got lost. I didn’t want to go to the US and didn’t really want to go to school at that expensive school anymore.

The feeling of getting a grade lower than 80 haunted me. Especially when I always kept in mind that the school was five grands.

I cannot be getting bad grades when my prents are paying for this expesive school.

So going to school was ended up being for money. It was toxic and that played a big part in me making my decision to move.

But being a mixed gal played a big part, too. My father’s native Indonesian and Indonesia doesn’t allow dual-citizenship after the age of 17. So by the time I turn 17, I have to have chosen what citizen I was going to be. I knew very well I was choosing Indonesia but I thought, I can’t just suddenly go there after graduating. The education system was far different hence the reason why I came a little bit early.

The first week of coming here, great doubt washed over me. The moment I arrived in Soekarno-Hatta Int’l Airport to the moment I arrived to where I am now, I was always on the brink of tears. I regretted solely because of culture shock. Thankfully, that only lasted for a week and after that whole week full of mental breakdowns, I was ready to start a new life.

I hope I can elaborate on the difference of “teenage culture” in Mongolia and in Indonesia and how I’m holding it up here but I’m afraid I can only elaborate on how the moving proses was. Until then, I hope you hold up well, too.

The December Diaries: How To Survive A Dry Winter

Happy December! The month where it’s merry and joyful (i hope). You might be wondering what the hell this December thing is about. Well, I really wanted to do something for the festive month so here it is!

Honestly, I have no clue what I will be posting but just so you know, it’s spontaneous. But in a Christmas way. There will be some basic stuff, which I’m very excited to write, such as Christmas gift ideas, music, and clothes, and blah blah blah.

So for day one, I wanted to give y’all an insight on what it’s like to live in a place where the winter is dry af. I’m very proud to say I have survived this dry ass winter for 3 consecutive years but with pain.

The city lies at 47°N and is in the middle of a landmass. Which makes it dry and the winter..oh god. It is a pain in the ass. I could wear layers of trousers and still feel the scary scary cold breeze go through them.

Not to mention that December and January is the peak coldest months, I can’t even spend the holidays in peace because I’m too busy trying to make myself warm. So finally, here are things you can do if you also live in a place where the winter is so damn cold.

  1. Be warm: Wear the thickest coats you have, big fat scarves and cozy hats. The last thing you want is to have your head freezing. Heard it’s super unhealthy. And honestly, I hate wearing big fat clothes but you gotta be healthy!
  1. Remember it’s windy: Turtlenecks will probably be your best friend.
  2. Hot drinks baby: Be it coffee, hot cocoa, a hot drink will save you.
  3. Stay at home: Unless you have school or work, if it’s -30 degrees outside then, I totally advise you to stay at home in your PJs.

Until next December Diary,

A cold nobody.


Don’t Fall In Love In Italy

Or more specifically Tuscany. And Rome.
So I have been reading a book for what feels like forever because I just can’t seem to fit in reading this novel among homework and school. But I recently finally got around to actually enjoying reading it and let me tell you, I have never been more stressed reading a book before.

The book is called Love & Gelato by Jenna Evans Welch and it’s a book anyone who dreams of falling in love in Italy(me) would love. I initially had purchased about 5 books to read for the summer and I purposefully left this book for the last because…well, love + Italy. I knew I needed some books to prep my overly hopeless romantic heart.

Turns out this book made me angry so many times. Not angry, but irritated. And for the dumbest reasons.

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How I Deal With Self-Consciousness​

I’m just going to say it here, the title was a complete clickbait. Hate to break it to you, but self-consciousness is still something I haven’t fully dealt and got over with so if anyone here is expecting a verified advice, then well this is not the right place to be. However, what I will be sharing here is my experience.

I don’t have an ideal image.

No small waists, I’m a 5’2″ lil’ bitch (told my height to a girl from class and she choked on her drink and laughed, it was funny though), got a double chin, big calves, and no visible jawline. And the funny thing is, I actually never cared so much about these until two years ago. Now call me a bad person, but a part of me blames it on the sudden environmental change. Not entirely, but it must’ve had at least a little influence on how I view myself in the mirror nowadays.

Writing this now, it’s kind of reminding me of this speech Lili Reinhart gave on the 2018 Glamour Woman Of The Year Summit. She talked about how she became “hyper-aware” at how her body was changing because of the industry she was in.

“I didn’t think anything was wrong with my body until I was in an industry that rewards and praises people for having a smaller waist than I will ever have.”

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Mon, Oct 2nd

Had the first meeting(is kinda thing) for the school debate club. People, there were too intelligent. Was thinking how the fuck I was gonna reach their level for the hour and a half lecture.

AnD I think hisTORY IS REAPEATING ITSELF. If you read Crisis No2 then….you..would know. Im fucked.

It’s been a while

Hey there! It’s been quite a while. 25 days, to be exact. And haven’t been up to a lot lately but let me tell you one thing. I’m reading All The Bright Places (yes, yes i’m still reading that book, just got the time to actually sit and read it) and I’m on like the last few pages. If there’s anyone here who read the book you would know very well how I feel – I’m basically fucked up, super emotional, crying at every ballad songs and shit. But I’m not here to spoil the book nor to talk about it. I’m here to talk about what has happened for the past 25 days.

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Why am I so scared?

School starts tomorrow, it’s currently 11:15 PM and I have to wake up at 6 AM but I mean, who cares. But first of all, what kind of school starts on a Friday? By the way, it’s not only our school that’s starting tomorrow. All school in this country is starting the school year.

I know, chaos.

I am honestly so scared to go to school. And I have no idea why I am scared. It’s honestly so bad like I keep panicking and I just go out of breath and shit. It’s so weird. Though I have come to several theories on why the hell I’m so scared of school.

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Crisis No.3: Winter

Winter here is not like it is on the picture.
Some of you might hate me for saying this but I absolutely hate this weather, this horrible horrible weather called winter. Sure, a lot of exciting holidays during this weather but no, just no. Especially with where I live winter has been horrible to me. I would wear stockings inside my trousers and my legs would still feel numb while walking to my bus stop (FYI, I go by the school bus). And let’s not forget that it takes 15 minutes to walk to the stop and I leave the house at like 7:10 in the morning.

7:10 in the morning is WAY colder than it is in the afternoon. I repeat it’s freezing.

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Crisis No.2: Crushes

I’m sure everyone has had a crush at least once in their lives. And since I am human and human has feelings, I had a crush too.

I remember having a crush on this boy from Chile back in kindergarten. Funny how I still remember about the fact that he would bring carrots and would munch on them when it’s snack time but not his name. I don’t remember his name. Whenever he erases something he would never brush the dust thingy off his notebook, he would just write straight on his notebook. I only was his classmate for a year until he went back to Chile. And I never met him again.

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Crisis No.1: School

Aaahhhh, the most common struggle every teenager faces. Now for me personally, I don’t have problem with learning, it’s pretty cool you know, adding new knowledge every day but what sends shivers down my spine is the types of people there.

Dun dun dun.

From 2013 to 2016 I used to study somewhere else than where I study now and I had so much fun there. I had friends, a group of friends to be exact, I lived with my family (yes, like we would have a proper breakfast, dinner and lunch together in the dining room), I would go cycling around the city there. It was great. until last year when everybody started going, I decided maybe I should go too. Now the reason I moved was not only that. I realised that the school I went to was kinda flopping at teaching. Since it was a school only for the children of the people who worked at the embassies, there was only like 9 of us in one class and I bet the teachers didn’t even give a shit about us which is why I skipped class with a boy once. (now that’s another story *wink*)

Then all of a sudden my future seemed to bother me a lot. If I graduated there, I wouldn’t be able to go to that many universitites. And the thought of what I could be missing out at school (as in studying, not school social activities) made me want to move more. So after discussing with my parents for about a month, they decided to send me to the school I used to go to before moving with my parents. And there you go, I flew here in November and so I transferred.

Everything seemed to happen so fast. Like in a blur or something like that which meeaaannss that I transferred in the middle of a semester. IN THE MIDDLE OF A SEMESTER.

I never knew that was horrible until it happened to me. Now you might telll me things like ‘you used to go there, you alredy have friends, it’s like reuniting again’. Well, guess what, I was not in the same grade as my old classmates. In fact, I was a grade higher than them.

By the way, I didn’t skip grades or anything. I’m not that smart. It just happened because of the different school system of the two countries. I’m just a student who gets A,B and Cs.

So moving in the middle of a semester had bunch of consequences. And when I entered the class, it felt like everyone was watching me. One horrible thing also happened on the first day actually. I realised every girl in my class was so frikin pretty and fit and skinny. My confidence went from 50 to 0. I made couple of friends, some of them were nice, some were okay.

Making friends wasn’t so bad. I was even surprised myself because I expected myself to be the outsider who will not talk to anyone at school for like a week or something. So first day was no biggie. It was until we started studying. Boy did I not know what the heck they were talking about. I perfectly understood all the english classes but classes in my mom’s langauge? NO. I didn’t understand a single shit but evetually I got help from classmates and here I am, going to high school.

Not actually high school because they go by 9th grade and blah blah but in other ways, you can say I’m going to a freshman in high school.

Oh, and by the way, I need to tell you guys one thing you should never ever do at school.

Pretend you like a certain thing just to befriend people.Or shortly. be someone you’re not.

Never ever do that.

I actually told them I really liked korean dramas. Now, don’t mistake me here, I do like to watch them sometimes but I never was a fan of them. Being a fan and just liking have a big difference. And I guess I was having a problem finding a difference between the two. So for the rest of the school year the conversation between the girls and I would be about dramas. Also, some of them were very interested in where I came from. Which was good…..?

And for the boys? I don’t wanna go there. Yet. Maybe later.

Until next crisis,

Nobody. (I could be anyone. even beyonce)